Four Days of Vegan

It’s Monday evening and it feels like it’s Sunday morning: I’ve just finished a day of work which was preceded by a week of copious drinking for which I don’t think I paid a dime, which means that copious really means copious. I’ve also eaten a lot of bacon and Jack-in-the-Box all weekend because of the company Snowboard Trip I went on (a tradition that should probably be called “The Company Liver Damage and Disgusting Food Consumption Offsite). My head feels like the left side is being slowly separated from the right side. The decision: Vegan. Not as a life choice but as a detoxification method. For a week.
The food:

• Vegetable Sandwich from Homegrown: hummus, avocado, cucumber, arugula, tomato, wholegrain bread. No cheese? Right. No cheese.
• Tofu Kim Chi fried rice from Marination Mobile: rice with some vegetables in it. It has an egg. Oops.
• Braised Tofu and Avocado sandwich from Baguette Box: Tofu braised in coconut juice. Pickled Daikon carrots, Red Onions. There may have been an aioli.
• Vegetable stew: cut up Shallots, Red Radishes, Carrots, Celery, Garlic. Sautee onion with Olive Oil in a Saucepan. Add other vegetables. Add Vegetable broth or water. Add Salt, Cayenne, Cumin. Allspice if you’re a bad ass motherfucker. Boil for a while. Add Kale. Add Black-eyed peas if you’re name begins with “La” or “Da” and then is a real person’s name.
• Tofu Tacos: Tofu. Some combination of the same vegetables above if you don’t like going to the Supermarket twice. Cumin. Chili Powder. Paprika. Tomato Paste or Tomato Sauce. Fold in Tortillas. Don’t add cheese god damn it, just don’t do it, that cow has sad Bambi eyes.

And then Friday comes. Bagel Friday. It’s early and I’m bleary-eyed. Before I think about it, I grab a plain bagel, smother it with sun-dried tomato cream cheese, and take a big bite.

So that’s about as far as I got, and while I still haven’t had a bite of meat in a while, I’m convinced that giving up cheese is out of the realm of possibility right now.

Luckily for me, Chicken McNuggets contain no real meat.

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