Sitting at Home on a Friday Makes You Do This

“I’ve never thought of myself as depressed as much as paralyzed by hope” – Maria Bamford

It’s a punch line, maybe just because of the delivery, but it’s an extremely sad concept.  Paralyzed by hope.

A passage from Cormac McCarthy’s No Country For Old Men:

” It’s not about knowin where you are.  It’s about thinkin you got there without takin anything with you.  Your notions about startin over.  Or anybody’s.  You dont start over.  That’s what it’s about.  Ever step you take is forever.  You cant make it go away.  none of it.  You understand what I’m sayin?

I think so.

I know you dont but let me try it one more time.  You think when you wake up in the mornin yesterday dont count.  But yesterday is all that does count.  What else is there?  Your life is made out of the days it’s made out of.  Nothin else.  you might think you could run away and change your name and I dont know what all.  Start over.  And then one morning you wake up and look at the ceilin and guess who’s layin there?”

I guess I have come to terms with the fact that this tuesday will be my last first day of school for at least a while, if not forever.  I feel a great deal smarter than I did when I started college, but possibly even more lost.  Hopefully the next 10 weeks will solidify my hopes and dreams and give my life positive direction that will tie my existence together into something I can hop aboard and ride into my happy, prosperous future.  Either that or I can get excited for my career in a Kwik-E-Mart variant.

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